A voice woke me up. I jumped out of bed. Excited.

 

My name. Torben. This voice. Clear and strong. Prabhupada. It was Prabhupada! Srila Prabhupada was saying my name! Torben! It was clearly Prabhupada's voice. Prabhupada had addressed me this early morning. Fantastic. I felt happy and proud.

 

My "guru", Sri Visnupada Harikesa Swami, had stopped being a guru in 1998. And confusion and frustration set in. I had given up, more or less, finding out the mystery of this crazy event. It turned the life of our family upside down.

 

For the next many years I was just busy working and raising the children. Getting along. The falldown of my "guru" was an invisible knockout. I lost enthusiasm and determination for sadhana and sadhu sanga. And that effected my children also. And wife.

 

I used to be a book distributor. For years, travelling sankirtan all over Denmark.

 

Then my eyes opened to the scandals of the institution. The child abuse. The cheating. The cover-ups. The many falldowns of other gurus. Mine was not exceptional, but just one in a successive line of guru-falldowns.

 

I knew Krishna consciousness was it. For sure. So it didn't match up. Why didn't it work out?

 

Torben. Prabhupada called me Torben? Why didn't he use my initiated name? Trayimaya dasa. Which was the name Harikesa Swami had given me, although for years I went under the name Traumaya, with a u instead of an i, because Visnupada used a computer for giving names to his disciples and this one couldn't spell, apparently.

 

So Srila Prabhupada called me by my civil name. This confirmed primarily that something was wrong with my initiation. I investigated the subject and found out that quite a few devotees seemed to think that something was wrong with the 11 gurus or acaryas that followed Srila Prabhupada as successors. With this call from Srila Prabhupada I could cast my doubts. Harikesa Swami Sri Visnupada was not a bona fide guru.

 

Prabhupada calling me was a transcendental experience. It was something that is read about in the books. Paramatma. Paramatma, Caitya-guru addressing me. Connection. Instruction. In such a sublime way. Just one word from Srila Prabhupada.

 

There was a definite Jiv-Jago command in the call.

 

Also a confirmation of sastra. And a recognition from Srila Prabhupada: I am here. I am alive. This process is working. Keep on going. I'm watching.

 

I will not make the story much longer. I will conclude one thing I've realized: When Prabhupada said You should all be gurus – he said, but qualify first. Then on my order only, you can initiate new disciples on your own. These 11 persons, and later more, took the role of guru prematurely. They may have considered they were qualified for whatever reasons, but…. did Srila Prabhupada order them? They seem to have taken a general suggestion from Srila Prabhupada to mean that they were ordered by him.

 

Since my audio-experience of Srila Prabhupada, I know without a doubt that if His Divine Grace wants to order somebody – He most certainly can. Loud and clear. There is no need of a "No Objection Certificate". Srila Prabhupada is not dead. If somebody is eligible for guruship, His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada most certainly can tell him.

 

With respects and dandavats in Srila Prabhupada's service,
Bhakta Torben